Arriving in France (Part Deux)
27 May 2009 03:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
broadsword_babeContinued from here.
"We need to discuss something rather important..."
She isn't sure whether it is his tone of voice or his choice of words, but every wall she has ever hidden behind suddenly snaps right back into place.
"Oh?" she asks, trying to be nonchalant. "And what's that, then?"
"We need to discuss something rather important..."
She isn't sure whether it is his tone of voice or his choice of words, but every wall she has ever hidden behind suddenly snaps right back into place.
"Oh?" she asks, trying to be nonchalant. "And what's that, then?"
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Date: 28 May 2009 02:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 28 May 2009 02:27 am (UTC)"To be honest, we haven't exactly kept in touch," she admits. "All I've told her is that we're seeing each other. I don't think she knows I moved t'New York. Last time we talked was just after y'left Orkney."
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Date: 28 May 2009 02:53 am (UTC)"Are you on the outs with her or simply lost contact?" He asks, wondering if Cassandra up to her old ways of thinking he can never change and should be beheaded as soon as possible.
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Date: 28 May 2009 02:59 am (UTC)"Half of both, I guess," she replies thoughtfully. "I never have been a great one for keeping in touch with folks. More out of self-preservation than anything. But there's also th' difference of opinion we have on a few other issues as well."
Namely slavery. She had never said anything directly to Cassandra, but she has a definite opinion on that which would doubtless enrage her Teacher.
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Date: 28 May 2009 03:59 am (UTC)Up until this point, he had thought that Cassandra had a one track mind and didn't think much of anything other than revenge and anger.
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Date: 28 May 2009 03:04 pm (UTC)She took another deep breath.
"I guess th'main reason we haven't talked as we did is that there's more than just you I don't agree with her on.
"First, I've always been a bit of a doer. I'm not th'type t'sit back and say 'boo-hoo poor me'. If something's bloody well pissed me off, I fight it." She smiled wryly. "Something you and Nero have in common.
"Second, and I've said nothing of th'like t'her, is my rather harsh opinion of slaves." She holds up her hand stalling him from saying anything. "Not slavery. Slaves. Th'Norse kept pets from neighbouring tribes as a lot of folks did back then. It was an insult. T'die in battle was the huge for th'Norse. Dying on your back from illness or injury was a cardinal sin. And slavery, t'be either too weak or too stupid t'fight back? Well, they got what they deserved.
"With you, sure I was a tad heated over what happened with her, but there was a good bit of anger directed at her as well. If she'd wanted t'escape, she coulda bloody well done something about it. I guess I just wanted her t'quit her griping about all that, and thought if you were gone, she would.
"Then, th'two of us fighting got t'be a bit of a habit. I liked that y'challenged me, that y'didn't put up with my shite. But y'know that."
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Date: 1 Jun 2009 02:19 am (UTC)He shakes his head, "Nero. I knew him." He wasn't as tall as everyone thought he was, but he didn't say that.
Methos listened as she talked and really hated to say what he was about to say.
"Listen, you might hate what I have to say...but I have to say it anyway. I hate to defend her, but I must on this."
He continues, "The Norse are completely different from her peaceful nomadic people. They weren't a fighting village. They weren't draped in gold and goods. They were poor and they had nothing but furs, and not very good ones at that. We didn't attack them because we wanted anything from them. We attacked them because we wanted to strike fear in them. We wanted to kill them and leave at least one alive that could spread the terror of what we did to them."
"She was immortal and that's why we took her, that's why I took her. She had no idea what she was. She had no idea of her potential. The only thing that she knew was that I was her God. I was the only one that could bring her back to life. I showed her peaceful tribe chief's head on a pike. I told her that I did that. I could do that to her. She had spunk, yes, but she was terrified because she didn't know. All she knew was that she was alive. After that I killed her so many times and she came back until she was broken like a horse."
He shakes his head, "You see, Quinn. She couldn't fight. Later, yes. I was the one that could protect her and keep her safe. Kronos? She was more afraid of him as we continued. Caspian would rather rape her and then eat her than have anything to do with her. Yes, she later escaped and I let her. However, that was only after she lost trust in me to protect her. I let Kronos take her away from me and rape her. She escaped and most likely went across the desert. She probably died of heat and thirst a hundred times before she found someone that could take her in. I bet it was worth it to be away from us."
She's never heard his side of the story. She's never known him to talk about it. This could make her not want him, but it had to be said.
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Date: 1 Jun 2009 02:57 am (UTC)"You wanted her to hate you," she says softly. "You wanted her to hate you because, in the end, that was easier than admitting that somewhere along the line, you'd fallen for her."
She stares off into middle space as her mind clicks away. It's almost as though she's able to read the rest of the chess game only a few moves into it.
"You let Kronos have her both to save your own neck, and hers," she continues, her voice still barely above a whisper. "You spent enough time with her knowing she still had enough spit and vinegar left to maybe get away. That was why you didn't go after her. You knew she'd be better off on her own. And you knew Kronos would kill her. Thing is you'd started caring for her, about her, and that was dangerous for you both. Your feelings were another way Kronos could control you, and without her around, he was out of ammunition."
She raises her eyes to his. "Whether you realise it or not, you were just as much Kronos' slave as she was yours. You kept her because your own life was in the crapper. She was the only thing you could control. Kronos and his emotional, and physical, blackmail made you feel worthless, and in order to make yourself feel better, you passed the abuse on to her. Only that you hadn't expected to fall in love with her..."
True, it's only her opinion and based completely on hearsay, but it's the only thing that makes sense. And he just might hate her for saying it.
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Date: 1 Jun 2009 03:14 am (UTC)He sighs, "I didn't control her because I felt worthless. I felt good back then. I was part of a team that was amazing. I didn't torture her to pass any abuse onto her. I tortured her because I wanted to. Because, my mind was still angry and full of rage. I wanted my own play thing and that was what she was. You don't really think that she was the first, do you? She was the first immortal, but she was not my first slave girl that I had taken in and experimented like I did. My mind was like that. It was only after time that it changed to being tired of being with the horsemen and wanting to do something else. It was only then, that yes, I did fall for her. I wanted her escape and keep her head. I hoped to keep mine as well. I've always wanted survival. I always will."
He looks at her, "There's more to it, though. Kronos was my partner. My brother in every sense of the word. As they said in the 90's it really was 'bro's before ho's.' The truth was that I couldn't go against him either. I didn't just fall in love with her, you see. Back then, I had this...kinship or..something with Kronos."
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Date: 1 Jun 2009 04:23 am (UTC)Has it already been that long...?
She only hears about half of what he says. Her mind is still on her Teacher. He's said it before: their stories are incredibly similar. More than that; they're also incredibly alike in temperament.
She knows the question was coming practically out of the blue, but it needs to be asked. And he needs to tell the truth, regardless.
"Is that what I am to you?" she asks softly, carefully. "Another experiment? Just one more slave girl? Cassandra 2.0 even?"
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Date: 1 Jun 2009 04:40 am (UTC)He shakes his head, "You really have learned from your teacher and your teacher alone. That question? That just summed up everything that you think of me. You'll never trust me. You'll never truly love me because you and her still think that I'm that man that I was thousands of years ago."
"What's the point of me staying if that's all that you think?" He says with an annoyed snort through his nose.
"No. I don't. To answer your question so that you don't have gull to sit there and tell me that I was only avoiding it."
He gets his bags in disgust because he honestly can't believe it. He's told her things that he's never ever told other people before. Hell, he didn't even allow himself to recognize some of the things that he's told her.
Then she asks that?
This is why, he remembers, it's not good to date immortals. Especially ones that are like their teachers.
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Date: 1 Jun 2009 05:12 am (UTC)Just when she thought things were alright, she just had to go and step on a landmine. Still, if she hadn't asked, she wouldn't know.
Does she still believe that about him? No, not really, but thanks to the propaganda that had been heaped on her, it would always been in the back of her mind. And she hates it. Hates that it had poisoned the best thing that had happened to her.
She watches in stunned silence as he grabs his bags. Part of her wants to let him leave, that it's for the best, that they're not supposed to be together. Oddly enough, that's not the part she listens to very often.
"Dammit, Methos," she exclaims, standing up to him. "No, I don't think that of you. I haven't for a long time. Not since Heidelberg. I've dreaded asking that question, but it needed asking. I needed to know, not just assume.
"Yes, I know I just stuck my foot in my mouth. Hell, both feet and ended up falling on my ass. And if the answer'd been any different, it would've broken me." Her eyes fill with tears at the confession. "Not just my heart, but everything else inside. What we have isn't something that I could get over in a decade or two, and if you walk out that door, I don't think I'd ever get over it."
She is sticking her neck out and she knows it. Not to mention how hard it is for a warrior like her to admit something like that. He knows how to kill her now, and he doesn't have to lift a blade, just a bag.
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Date: 1 Jun 2009 05:25 am (UTC)He, however, doesn't move away from her or anything. He doesn't do anything but stand there looking at her.
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Date: 1 Jun 2009 05:38 am (UTC)She takes one single, measured step backwards and draws a steadying breath.
"If you still want to leave, I won't stop you. But before you do, I hope you understand that I love you. I always have and always will. No one will ever mean as much to me as you do. You're more than a lover. You're the closest thing I have to a best friend, and I don't want to lose that simply because I was too fucking insecure not to trust myself. And you."
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Date: 1 Jun 2009 06:02 am (UTC)"I understand the propaganda that Cassandra has fed you. My own confession must have been something that also triggered the fear from that."
He doesn't look at her, but he looks at the ground. He's upset and he is completely blown away that she, of all people, would still ask that. MacLeod? Sure. He hadn't lived through most of what Methos had lived through. Out of all the people that he thought would understand him the best, Quinn was the one. She lived so much more than most other immortals that he knew. That connected them. That made them similar and almost really compatible and great with each other.
Now? He's not so sure. She asked and now, he's completely unable to think.
He puts down the bags, but looks at her to say, "I'm not leaving. However, I am going to sleep somewhere else tonight. I need time to think about what you said and what this means for us. I'm sorry that I can't give you an answer now, but I will tomorrow. I doubt either of us will sleep, but I'll meet you in the kitchen bright and early tomorrow."
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Date: 1 Jun 2009 06:22 am (UTC)Her voice is flat and emotionless. She doesn't want to think about sleeping alone for the first time in nearly a year. She can't stomach the thought it might be on a more permanent basis.
She walks out the door and down the hall to a smaller bedroom (http://pics.livejournal.com/broadsword_babe/pic/0001wqbw). She doesn't say much as she shows him around. She throws open one of the windows to let in some early afternoon breezes.
"I, um, I'm going to start making a list of what this poor old heap needs for renovations. So, feel free to do, um, whatever. I'll prolly end up in the barn later if y'fancy going for a ride..."
An hour ago, she would've said that with a teasing wink. An hour ago, he might've laughed. An hour ago, they'd been friends. Now, they were back to being strangers, and it had only taken a matter of minutes. Two minutes had been all it had taken to tear away what had taken centuries to build.
She swallowed hard before continuing. "Look, I'm sorry I ever opened my mouth about all that. And it's not that I don't wanna be around you. I do. I don't want you t'leave. But I can understand y'needing some time t'think. So, I'll just be downstairs in th'study if y'feel like talking."
And with that, she trudged downstairs to take care of some long-overdue paperwork.
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Date: 1 Jun 2009 11:58 pm (UTC)The room is not particular to his liking, but that's because it's not a room that he will be sharing with her. He will be sleeping without her and even the most grand room will feel empty and hallow without her.
That is neither her nor there, at the moment. For the moment, all he can think about are her words.
"Is that what I am to you? Another experiment? Just one more slave girl? Cassandra 2.0 even?"
Nothing hurt more than just a few questions coming out of her to ask him. How could she ask that after everything that they have worked towards? He was still so disgusted and angry and hurt by it. It felt the same when MacLeod questioned him as well.
He might go for a ride later on, but only because it's still in the afternoon and not quiet nighttime or morning.
For now, he continues to stay in the room and ponder.
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Date: 2 Jun 2009 12:29 am (UTC)With that done, she decides that maybe it's best she get out of the house for awhile so that he can have his space. That and, from what she was told, the barn needs some serious mucking out. As far as she's concerned, there's no better way to blow off steam than physical labour.
The trio of horses (a stallion, mare and yearling) are out in the pasture grazing to their hearts' content. She whistles shrilly and soon a great gray hound comes loping along the fence. Well, at least someone's glad to see her.
She pulls open the door of the barn, and it's soon apparent that the estate agent was right. The place hadn't been given a thorough cleaning in months, if not years. She blows out a breath through her lips and goes to see if there's a pair of gloves in the tack room she can use.
She quickly looses track of time. Her muscles remember the work of shovelling, scooping and then wheeling out piles of debris. Her mind wanders back to a different time and place. She can almost imagine she's back in Colorado. The kids are off visiting Wade's parents. He's up at the house working on the accounts. It's a pleasant fiction, and one she'd much rather indulge in instead of thinking about Methos.
One stall is clean and ready to be occupied. There's fresh straw for bedding, the water trough is full and there's feed in the bucket. A second stall follows, then a third and a fifth. Her long sleeve shirt lays folded over the side of one of the stalls. The barn isn't necessarily hot, but she's worked up quite a sweat. Enough so that she'd decided to forego the shirt in favour of the cotton tank top she wore underneath.
She keeps finding more things to do, even after the stalls have been cleaned. She knows she's just procrastinating going back up to the house. As long as she stays in the barn, she won't have to face the fact the house is empty. He's probably gone, and she can't exactly blame him. Of course, she can't exactly blame him for not saying goodbye, either.
She can't help it if she thinks the worst of the situation. It's not that she's a pessimist or a glass-half-empty person. She's more of a realist, and if the roles had been reversed, someone would've ended up with a broken nose, not just an empty bed.
She wipes her face off on a bit of a rag she'd found in the tack room. She opens a bottle of oil and begins to work it through one of the bridles.
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Date: 2 Jun 2009 05:31 am (UTC)Normally, he would go to bed naked because he would be with her and that is simply how he liked to be with her. When he's not with her, he likes to wear fresh boxers after his shower. He can't do that with his bag still in her bedroom.
He goes through the house in order to get the bedroom that they were going to share. He grabs his overnight bag and takes it into the smaller bedroom again. He feels better having it with him again. Although, he hopes that she doesn't go into the bedroom and see that the bag is gone and think that he skipped town on her. That's not what he wants. However, he can't talk to her right now without getting upset so he just leaves her well enough alone. Let her think what she wants.
He doesn't unpack the bag, but simply lets it alone. He'll get what he wants from it later. He puts it beside his bed and then goes over to the big window to look out of it. He can see the barn from his window and he wonders if she's out there yet. He doesn't see her riding out there, so he assumes he's working in the barn. However, that makes him wonder where the groundskeeper or whoever she has helping her here was. Not that he really cared, but it's not very good to leave horses or a house in ruins.
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Date: 3 Jun 2009 02:32 pm (UTC)She walks back up to the house and her eyes automatically find the figure standing in the upstairs window. She breathes a sigh of relief, glad that he stayed, and mentally kicks herself for not giving him the benefit of the doubt.
She leaves her grubby boots by the back door and goes to climb the staircase. All the while, wondering if they can ever get back to where the were, or if she's completely shot it to hell.
She passes his door on the way to her room. She pauses for a moment, debating on whether to say anything before finally deciding to knock on the door.
"I'm just going to get cleaned up and then fix dinner," she says, a note of apology in her voice. "Yer welcome t'join me if y'want."
Though she doesn't wait for an answer, she hopes he does. She doesn't want them to go to sleep angry, or in separate rooms.
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Date: 4 Jun 2009 05:44 pm (UTC)It doesn't matter. He is getting hungry now that it's later and he will go down to join her.
He changes for dinner, his own way of telling her that he's not completely mad at her. He's willing to hear her out on this.
When he's through changing, he goes down to the kitchen. He knows that she hasn't made dinner yet, but he thought that he would help.
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Date: 4 Jun 2009 06:22 pm (UTC)"Before y'say anything, I just wanna apologise for all this," she starts. "T'be fair, I really should've asked yeh what it was y'wanted instead of dragging yeh all the way over here. I guess I was still a wee bit jealous of yer going all over creation looking for a dress with your ex.
"I'd honestly thought th'place was in a little bit better condition, and that's my fault for not checking first. Michelle is a great housekeeper, but renovating is a bit much. And Henri is a wonderful gardener, but horses aren't exactly his speciality.
"But there's more to it than that. I never should've questioned yeh. Not with talk about building a house together and all. I guess I just thought if we were going to make a real go of it, I needed to know for sure. Now, I do."
She pauses to rub the bridge of her nose with her fingers.
"I dunno," she says on a sigh. "Guess I just wish I could just go back t'bed and have this be a do-over."
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Date: 5 Jun 2009 02:25 am (UTC)He was almost as lost at what she was talking about when she started, but quickly caught on when he took away the nervous ramble. It was the last part that meant the most to him, anyway.
"This isn't a movie with Bill Murray, unfortunately." he says softly, his hands crossed in front of his chest.
"I just want to know if you know why I'm so upset with what you asked me. Do you honestly understand?"
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Date: 5 Jun 2009 02:39 pm (UTC)"You've worked hard to leave all that behind you," she replies. "You've changed despite everyone's thinking you couldn't, or wouldn't. And I've see you change. So, yeah, it wasn't exactly well done of me to doubt that."
She hopes that's the answer he's looking for because it's the only one she can come up with at the moment. It takes her a minute to realize the last time she was this nervous was the day she married Arthur.
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Date: 7 Jun 2009 03:02 am (UTC)He sighs, "So, I understand. I do. I just thought that you trusted me or thought better of me then you did."
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Date: 7 Jun 2009 03:15 am (UTC)Part of her wants to go to him, wrap her arms around him, prove that she does trust him. But the warrior in her refuses to acknowledge the snivelling damsel.
"I do trust you. I didn't mean to sound like I was accusing you of anything. I wasn't. Guess what I meant t'ask was how you felt about me, and I just went about it completely th'wrong way."
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Date: 8 Jun 2009 06:58 am (UTC)He's curious to see how he is portrayed by her. How are his actions and emotions coming across? He thought that they were loud and clear, but now he has doubts of that.
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Date: 8 Jun 2009 03:15 pm (UTC)She trusts him. That infectious, cheeky, mischievous, impish smirk of his makes it hard not to. She's fallen asleep with him ever night since moving to New York. She wouldn't have been able to if she didn't trust him. She feels safe with him. Not because he'll protect her, She would hope he knows better than that, but because she's not afraid of him.
Of course, he's been able to do the same. There have been quite a few nights when she had just watched him sleep, well aware that she could kill him and walk away. It's a good thing she's not that heartless. And he trusts her.
That's what makes what they had (no, have) so important to her. She's not willing to give up the fight just because of one skirmish.
She walks over to him and takes his hands in hers. She runs her thumbs over the backs of his knuckles and looks up at him.
"You trust me," she says simply. "If you didn't, you wouldn't have fallen asleep with me. And you love me. Otherwise you never would've suggested building a house together.
"Nowadays, that doesn't mean much when folk can pack up and move three thousand miles without too much trouble," she adds. "But we're old enough to remember a time when a house wasn't just four walls and a roof. It was a home, a sanctuary, and the fact you want something so permanent with me means a lot. I'm just a bloody eejit for questioning that."
She swallows hard, not realising it would be so difficult to ask this, but she does anyway. "Forgive me?"
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Date: 9 Jun 2009 01:54 am (UTC)"I do trust you, Freya. I never thought that I would really be able to. At least not with another immortal that would love me. You love me and I hope trust me, even though you asked that question that suggested that you didn't."
He shakes his head as he looks down at her hands, "I'm willing to overlook it." He looks at her, "I'm not going to leave you. I love you too much to do that. However, I might...be more cautious from now on."
"I do forgive you, though."
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Date: 9 Jun 2009 02:33 am (UTC)"Fair enough," she answers, still smiling. "I will say this much, though. I'm through pushing you, testing what we have, and putting snakes in beds."
She then wraps her arms around his waist and lightly kisses his chin. "And speaking of beds, y'still wanna sleep in another room?"
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Date: 9 Jun 2009 09:59 pm (UTC)He looks down at her for a moment, "No. I think I'll sleep with you tonight. I don't like to go to bed angry. It's going to be okay. We're going to be okay."
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Date: 9 Jun 2009 10:28 pm (UTC)She couldn't help but indulge in a nice, long snog. Somewhere along the line, the warrior had been replaced by the woman, and she knows that as long as they're together, all's right with the world.
"So, any special requests for dinner?"
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Date: 9 Jun 2009 11:17 pm (UTC)He wraps his arms around her so he can hold her close to his body for a moment. It's as if he is re-familiarizing her against him again because it was close to not having her with him at all.
He pulls back, "I don't have any request, but I will help you."
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Date: 10 Jun 2009 12:23 am (UTC)"Fair enough," she replied, smiling. "I was thinking something along the lines of chicken in a white wine sauce with some celery and carrots thrown in. It'll have t'cook for about an hour. So, we can do a bit more of a tour until it's ready or whatever..."
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Date: 12 Jun 2009 01:43 am (UTC)He looks at her, "I just wonder what happened to the people that were supposed to look after this place. We aren't going to find some dead bodies laying about, are we?"
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Date: 12 Jun 2009 02:39 am (UTC)As she's talking, she pulls out the ingredients and puts them on the counter: chicken, carrots, celery and onion.